There are some beings in the world that truly stop you. Like, who are you? What other lives have you lived? You can feel it, usually. They call them old souls for a reason. They carry a weight to them and a sensitivity to the world that is truly deeply unique. Maybe they just remember more than the rest.

I’m a pumpkin

I stayed out late last night. I did turn into a pumpkin. I start getting a bit delusional past midnight, lol. And it’s Friday, and it’s on the full moon. The veil is so thin. Way more than most. And I feel that the portal of that.

The Kabbalists say Friday, past midnight, is the time you’re intimate with your partner, because the veil is at its thinnest, and in that you come together to meet God and to manifest. I so hope I get to study Kabbalah at some point. It’s a Jewish mysticism tradition “seeking to understand the nature of God, the universe, and humanity's place within it.” It explores esoteric knowledge and spiritual insights through various texts, practices, and interpretations, aiming for a deeper, experiential connection with the divine. It’s quite a dense body of knowledge that is rightfully guarded.

I’m having a hard time writing this morning. There’s a lot moving in me, and I feel protective. I’m a bit foggy. My heart and my mind are processing a lot. I’m really clear, after last night, that I’m being called back into ceremony, which would take place at the end of this month. This is my lineage now, and we take the opportunities to commune with it.

I do feel really clear about my path and who I am. That I’m supposed to keep going deep in this life and then tell the tale. I’m just built for it. I’m nourished in ways I never thought possible. I’m studying and practicing the stuff that makes me bright and keeps a fire raging.

It’s such a long journey to know what’s on the other side of it, and rightfully so. And I sit in the ease of that. It’s the same with being an artist. You don’t make your best work now, you don’t even know what you’re capable of or what you might even make until you’re in your 60s and 70s. That’s when the stuff gets good. So you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing the work to understand yourself and your craft and trust in that process.

Vulnerability as a portal

The veil is just a spiritual access point to the Divine. It’s the moments in which the “other side” is most accessible. Sometimes that's in sleep, during a ceremony, or when we’re at our most vulnerable. I’m feeling my vulnerability today. The tenderness of that.

It’s a word I can resist. For which friends used to say, “Valerie, you need to be more vulnerable.” I’m writing a freaking newsletter that reads like my journal, what more do you want from me? And, I’m not too shabby at expressing it. I’m not a psychopath, for Christ’s sake (love you Jesus). I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I let you read it here. But we often resist that word, right? We see it as something dangerous, something we must protect ourselves from. But vulnerability is a portal, an invitation, for your expansion.

When you’re open enough, soft enough, to feel what’s hidden beneath the surface, and be honest about what’s there, transformation is on the other side. Vulnerability is where we find our connection to the Divine. It’s not just about being weak or exposed. It’s about becoming raw enough to let the light of something greater slip through those cracks we’ve built in our hearts.

It’s one of those concepts that catches you in the quiet moments. It feels almost like a thin film separating us, but it’s not just some veil “out there,” as if it’s something external and far away. No, it’s that barrier we all have inside. Because the heart is the seat of connection to the Divine. 

We’ve all built a wall of thoughts, fears, doubts, and distractions that keep us from fully touching through the heart. And the moments where I actually feel totally completely exposed are because something touched the parts of my heart that are still armored, and I’m scared for it to break open. I’m scared to feel the full range of my heart without safety. It puts me on the edge of what I’m capable of doing and being for someone, for myself.

And this can happen in lots of places. Maybe you’ve opened yourself to someone, or maybe it’s in a moment of deep prayer or surrender. And suddenly, you feel that portal open, the one that asks for your heart to get just a little bigger. It might be met with sadness first, whatever the armor looks like that's trying to keep you safe.

But in that heart, in the distance between you and divine love, is God, and everything you’ve been seeking.

My thesis is that in this generation, we’re really asked to heal as a collective. With other people, in relationship (friendships, partners, strangers). A lot of our wounding is relational. And our fears, our doubts, our hurts, the parts of our heart that say Oh fuck wait, they’re all parts of this barrier we have to go through together. And when we’re willing to feel them fully, when we don’t push them away, that’s when the portal opens, for us and the collective. That’s when we meet ourselves, and we can develop the embodied holding of a big, expansive heart in a more intimate, strong, and grounded way.

When you’re in that space, at the threshold, it’s not about doing anything. It’s about allowing. Letting yourself feel the mess. The beauty. The poetry. The shame. The embarrassment. And then, soften into it. You’re human. You’re here. See yourself for all your mess, all your shining, all your imperfection, and meet it with Grace.

And in that, the veil within our own body and heart, the place of access within us to the Divine, to more life, to greater love, can fall.

Love,
Val

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Send in your prayers

Every Sunday at 1 PM MST, I’m going to be making a collective prayer. How can I pray for you this week? Are you going through something major or just need someone to hold your becoming with a little care? Whatever it might be, send me a note by replying to this email. All personal and confidential info is kept anonymous. Prayers will be live-streamed on Zoom.