What do we do when we realize we’re looping on the same themes? I’m realizing I’m struggling to find the next step, the thing that comes after the awareness or knowing of the pattern you want to change: “shoulds,” protecting my heart; anxiety. I’m reminded that this stuff takes time to change. Sometimes it just needs space to breathe.

Animals are getting really close to me lately, too… squirrels, birds jumping on the steps of the RV, deer walking right up to me while I’m meditating. It feels like something special, so I’m telling myself that it is. This morning it happened twice. I’ll report back if we start singing or they carry me off to a hidden fairy garden (I wouldn't be disappointed).

Refinding my character

I’m in this period where I’m doing lots of refinement. Refinement of my character. It’s easy to see the parts that need a little tending to. It’s just not clear what the solutions should be. In some ways, you’ll see every answer. There are lots of good practitioners at every stage of life for spiritual development and healing. I’m needing a lot of discernment right now to know what the right next step is. If they can’t answer all of my questions, why? If they’re not holding the things I’ve come to really value, then it’s probably not a place for me. I didn’t come to value those things willy-nilly. I’ve walked through fire to ground on what I believe in. I need teachers or guides who have said No to the same things and moved forward. I’m truly done with the everything, everywhere, all at once style in my study.

It reminds me that I need my own process of spiritual direction. You’re always your own best director, inner teacher, guide, lover, all of it. So, how can I be my best spiritual director, too? How can I create my own framework, practices, rituals, and ceremonies to guide me in the direction I’m seeking?

Mostly, today, I have a practice of simply asking God, or the divine feminine or masculine, questions.

What do I do here? Where do I go next? Where can I find answers?

And I just wait for the answer to come. I find neutral space and start listening. It’s actually a lot like riding a motorcycle. When you’re in gear, you’re doing stuff, you’re moving forward, you’re working your moving center, your machine, to do what it does.

When you’re in neutral, your machine is idling, but it can be moved by something else. I think we should think of ourself in the same way. The divine being able to move us into the next place. You let the bike be in neutral so you can transition, exert another form of force, and be in the place between stopping and going.

The Bible and my dharma

One of my goals is to live a dharmic lifestyle. It’s why I’ve been so intrigued and drawn to the Bible lately. People joke that we weren’t given a how-to manual on life, and then point to the Bible like, yes, Babe, you actually did. It’s truly one of the most dense texts for how to live a good, dharmic life. The problem for me is that it feels like it didn’t get it all. It didn’t get it for women. In my experience, it holds a half truth, not a whole truth.

We have to remember that a lot of spiritual lineages were only designed for men. You were a renunciate. You didn’t have children. You definitely didn’t have sex. You weren’t a householder. Money was of no use to you, and oftentimes you would give up all your worldly possessions to study the path (Monks and Yogis did this).

The context of the Bible is one of the most well-studied by historians. It’s why we know Jesus was, more than likely, a real person who walked the earth (love you, Jesus). We know women were primarily in domestic roles. We know we were in a largely patriarchal society with men in leadership. We know literacy rates were low, and men largely held the bodies of knowledge and study that we carry today, often orally.

We know that this impacted all aspects of the study of women (that women are unique from men in more ways than one) and therefore women’s unique part to play in understanding the world, scripture, and God was not built into the foundations of knowledge. We know that the Bible was primarily in male circles of literate, educated men who would have been the only ones with those skills.

The Bible was an oral tradition, which most lineages are. Men had literacy rates of maybe 10%. Women’s literacy rates in the early Christian movements were between 1% and 2%.

Women have some important character development in the Bible and for the messages of scripture, but they’re largely secondary characters. The Bible wasn’t even widely distributed (the Gutenberg Bible) until it was printed on the printing press in the mid-1450s. It was the first text ever printed. That’s not even that long ago! I mean, how incredible and young we really are as a collective in our dissemination of deep spiritual practice. Of the availability of text for independent study. Eastern spiritual philosophies didn’t even arrive in the West until the 1900s. We are CHILDREN in understanding spiritual life.

And yes, there have been a lot of ancient societies, secret societies, and magic in all forms practiced by indigenous communities, by the people of Turtle Island, and more. A lot of these practices have also been lost, kept protected from Westerners, or even destroyed through conflict, war, and colonialism. We are rediscovering ancient, 1000-year-old practices still. We have to be eternally grateful for the souls that have carried this wisdom forward and who even consider sharing it with the world.

In a lot of ways, we’re finding our way, collectively, to uncover what was lost and to recontextualize what it means to live dharmically and in integrity with God, where women and the feminine experience are deeply intertwined.

Lineage holders

What I’m really saying is this: we’re living in a time when women are being called to carry the lineage. For the first time in history, we’re stepping into a collective breadth and depth of spiritual knowing—not borrowed, not handed down from behind the veil of patriarchy, but remembered. Rooted in ancient wisdom, in the body, in the land. In our lived experience as women.

We are not just seekers. We are keepers now. Keepers of the Word, the rituals, the questions. Keepers of what it means to live a life in deep integrity with God, with spirit, with truth. I’m reminded this morning, while I look to the past, of how truly radical that is. And it’s necessary. For the healing of the collective, for the reweaving of the spiritual fabric, and for whatever sacred future we’re meant to build next.

Oh lastly - I had many issue with recording the collective prayer yesterday. So, if I can get it working, I’ll upload to Youtube. Otherwise, we’ll start livestreaming them on Zoom starting this Sunday. Link to be sent and distributed later this week.

Love,
Val