It’s a natural response to feel fear as a woman alone in a remote area. Even when there is no actual threat, due to trauma and social conditioning, fear can still arise. But I’ve always had a hard time discerning between fear and intuition. Last night was one of those times.

When I say I was terrified in the woods last night. I was TERRIFIED. After finally getting to Pagosa Springs, I was exhausted. Driving the RV is like driving my normal car, double the time. It’s just stressful. It’s big, it shakes, it hates bumps, and I’m constantly shifting in the mountains (either uphill or downhill) because it’s better to brake with the engine than put too much strain on the rotors. Did I mention I have eight tires on this thing?

Fear vs spiritual gifts

I hope my sister reads this because this will be GOLD for her—a child of God who can’t make a fucking decision without consulting a tarot deck or listening to a vision she got when our dog died.

Spiritual gifts are a deep, peaceful, inner knowing. Fear is not. Fear often shows up in the body first—tight chest, shallow breath, hypervigilance, racing thoughts. It is that panic or spiraling.

Spiritual insight is usually quieter, more grounded, and characterized by a non-anxious clarity. Even when it says “leave,” it often feels like a deep yes to action, not a frantic scramble.

Last night was FULL FRANTIC SCRAMBLE. I was walking at dusk, really enjoying the area, and just couldn’t shake this fear. I was truly alone there, which was odd to me. It’s untypical in the Colorado summer to have any good camping spot be totally desolate. But I was. For miles, there was no one. This service road just ended randomly. No bunnies around either. BUNNIES. I mean, if there are bunnies around, I always feel safe.

And then I started thinking.

Well, why is no one here? Maybe I’m not safe? Am I allowed to be here? If no one else is here, maybe I’m not allowed to be here, and someone is gonna come by and kick me out. Before I even knew it, the feelings escalated, my thoughts took over, and I’m lost in my own trauma response. It did not help that I DID hear a bear, more than once. I went back to the RV quickly.

Holding vs growing

When something inside of you is telling you to leave (RUN, HIDE, COVER!), is it protecting you from something real or trying to stop you from growing and being free?

Spiritual intuition and discernment may show us something beyond what our brain can reason, but it rarely shames or loops. It doesn’t really scream like fear does.

Fear speaks loudly, repetitively, urgently.

Spiritual knowing might whisper. And when it does, it’s grounded. More like a let’s try that path instead of this. It’s not flashing red signs that a cliff is near.

And afterwards, if you feel drained, confused, like you failed, or simply exhausted, that was fear.

After listening to intuition (even if it's to leave), you feel empowered and aligned, even if still a bit shaken. Intuition helps you GROW. Fear keeps you the same size. We can feel the difference clearly afterwards.

Resolving trauma

Fear like this, the kind that terrorizes you in the woods, comes from the Muladhara chakra, the root chakra. This is the kind of fear trauma that happens in childhood, which makes sense. As children, all we know is survival. Ultimately, we were always going to get what we needed, but we didn’t know this, so we feared. We may have had other major events as children that further instilled this fear. Birth is often the most traumatic survival event.

You never really get rid of all of these traumas either. This is your operating system. You can improve them and you can resolve them for a time, but they have to be worked on often, over and over again. My teacher says at least once a year. A rabbi told me they never really go away at all. What triggers you now may always trigger you. It’s just your stuff to work with.

What I attempted to do to resolve the fear this morning (after waking up at 4 AM to a demon or other telling me ‘You shouldn’t be here’—demons feed on your fear) was this. Try it out and let me know what you think:

1. Tell the story (at least 3 times) to change it. Writing it here is 1.

2. Find some quiet space (I was in Nathan’s Hippy Dip Hot Spring by myself)

   Ask yourself:

3. When was the last time I felt fear like this?

4. Where was I? What was happening? Describe it to myself out loud.

5. Where in my body did I feel the feeling?

6. Did it move fast or slow?

7. When was the first time I ever felt this way?

8. What is happening in the memory?

9. Do I understand why I would be feeling this way in this memory?

10. What’s the story I wrote about this memory that is still true for me

    now?

11. How would you prefer this memory to go? Describe it.

You don’t need a therapist to heal your trauma. I’ve suffered from complex PTSD for years. I used to do this process with a therapist in EMDR sessions. I swear by those sessions, but you can do this stuff on your own. I’m in a teacher training right now for this exact thing.

Note: This is just part of the process that has helped me, and there's much more to it for success. I’m only sharing a few things here with you. Take it for what it is.

Listening

This isn’t the first or last time I’ll be on my own in the woods. So it’s probably a good idea for me to get my shit together on this. I’m headed to Arizona today. I need to find a place to literally shit (because we don’t poop in the RV). I am still in a wet bathing suit from the hot spring water. I wanted to write this right away because it’s part of my own process for healing, learning, and teaching.

I have to tell myself: Sit and ground. Feel the earth. Place your hand on your heart or belly. Ask clearly: “Is this fear? Is this knowing?” Wait. Breathe.

I have to remember to listen to my body. It holds a lot of wisdom, especially when not hijacked by my mind—and I have a CUNNING mind. I can outsmart myself most days.

With love,

Valerie