I had to come back into town today to get the fluconazole. My doctor told me to go get some ozone in my pussy too. I would have, but the place that does it was closed. If you have a list of places that do pussy ozone, hit me up.

Generations of motorcycle riders

I hate being immobile, and it’s one thing about the RV as a daily driver that I already hate. I’m glad and grateful the man is around. We met at this really unique (and I think quite good) time. He brought me into town this morning. He’ll take me back later. He’s so great and giving. And goddammit, he’s so handsome I can’t stand it.

I need a dirt bike, though—or some motorcycle. I brought my helmet into the RV so I would be ready to ride if I found one. I have that and gloves, and I would like to ride more anyway. My dad got me a Yamaha V-Star 650 when I graduated from college. I got my motorcycle license around the same time. In Virginia, you can attend two-day clinics that teach you to ride and then issue your license on the spot. It’s sweet. We sold the bike almost two years ago. I couldn’t get it out to Colorado. I’ve never had enough of a stable living situation to do so.

I liked riding that bike, but we had to lower it. I’m short (I know, you would think I’m tall with how much BIG DICK ENERGY I have), and It’s heavy. I need something I can touch the ground with, and that I can move on and off a trailer hitch on my own.

When I was riding in DC, I rode for a little with The Litas, an all-female rider group. I didn’t vibe well with the members. A lot of women (and women I get along with) don’t want to ride bikes, and rightfully so—it’s fucking scary. And, it’s not really IF you’re gonna get in an accident, but WHEN. My mom always rode on the back of my dad's bike. It’s how they fell in love. We have motorcycles in the blood and the heart, so I will ride, and I do hope more women join me.

Story time: My grandfather, Grandpa Don, had a motorcycle riding business called Track Riders Tax Service. Yes, you read that right: tax service. He would rent out the track outside of Los Angeles, and my dad would teach the guys how to race motorcycles while Grandpa would do their taxes. If that’s not one of the most California things ever, I don’t know what is. When my mom came into the picture, she sat in their RV and did the taxes, too. He had a 42-foot RV that my dad got later, after he passed.

Freedom and The Fourth Way

I get frustrated when my freedom is limited. I’ve always been like this (remember, I’m a masochist). I need autonomy. I need fewer laws. I need to sit in the space of possibility and potential. Only then am I free. It’s not even about doing anything in particular, but having the availability to do whatever you want. It’s a reason my dad is building a compound in West Virginia. It’s the same reason my sister can’t make a decision about med school. It’s the reason I am on the spiritual path and living in an RV. Even the new man in my life wants the same thing. Some land we can do whatever we want on, to be in the mountains, away from too many people and restrictions. It’s why I need a motorcycle!

It brings me back to Fourth Way teachings. The Fourth Way, conceptualized by Gurdjieff in the late 1800s and early 1900s, was later widely published by his followers after his death. The spiritual philosophy was built around examining all religions and spiritual sects to identify common elements. Those common elements are the foundations of the teachings.

One of the concepts that’s written about is the 48 Laws and the Ray of Creation. I can’t explain it fully here for you, but if this sounds like something you’re interested in, hit me up. I’ll put the basics here. The Ray of Creation has eight levels, an octave.

The first level is "The Absolute", followed by "All Worlds", "All Suns", "Sun", "All Planets", "Earth", "Moon", and "The Absolute":

• The bottom of the cosmos, below life - "The Absolute"

• Earth's satellite - "The Moon"

• Our planet - "Earth"

• All of the planets in the Solar System to which Earth belongs - "All Planets"

• The planets belong to the “Sun” or the Solar System

• The Sun belongs to the Milky Way galaxy, or the "All Suns" combined

• All galaxies put together belong to "All Worlds"

• All Worlds form a final whole called "The Absolute"

The gist: the closer something is to The Absolute—the one law, all-is-one level of existence—the fewer laws it’s bound by. Pure freedom. But as you move further away from that source, more and more laws stack on. More structure, more friction, more...bullshit, honestly.

By the time you get down to Earth, we’re apparently dealing with 48 laws. Forty-eight. That’s a lot of conditioning, a lot of limitation, which is why, according to Gurdjieff (this occultist weirdo I love), life here is so damn mechanical and limiting. Have you ever said, “Why do I have to have this body?”. I have. I have to feed it, clean it, empty it, and water it. Too many things.

And just for context, “The Absolute” here isn’t God like your traditional God—it’s not the bearded sky-daddy. It’s more like Source-as-pure-consciousness, as Gurdjieff framed it in his version of esoteric Christianity, which he also called the Fourth Way.

The motorcycle isn’t going to get me anywhere near out of the 48 Laws—supposedly, you can only get down to six at the highest levels of enlightenment. But, it’ll sure as hell give me a little more movement, and I’ll take that for now.

With love,

Valerie