Sitting in a room in silence with another is new to me.

I got to spend some time with my boyfriend’s family over the holidays, and this was the part that shook me.

And it didn’t shake me like, Whoa, this is bad, but like, Whoa, we can breathe here?

We can have spaciousness and calm, and do that together?

I brace myself with “family”. I relax on my own because that’s how it worked in my house.

I had truly never seen a family, with people, lots of them, sitting in a room together, not bothering each other. Instead, actually simply enjoying the silence. Honoring autonomy. Letting someone read, and someone else nap. Someone cook and someone chat, if they wanted.

It feels like the Andrew Wyeth painting, “Wind by the Sea”. A soft summer wind blows through a window, and a lacey curtain waves for a moment.

And my system’s like: what the fuck

Because I grew up in a household where there wasn’t one shred of peace. Where the lacey curtain never waved but thrashed violently against the thunderstorm of a window that someone forgot to close (or maybe even opened on purpose).