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Alone in the desert

I’m alone in the desert right now. It’s seriously hot. It never got cool last night. I have all the windows open in the RV, but it doesn’t matter. It’s the coolest point of the day right now, and I’m shirtless and sweating. The winds come around one and run until five. The sun never lets up.

I do desert stuff once a year. Typically just for Burning Man and it’s equally as awful. Though, there I sleep during the hottest part of the day and I can because I’m up all night. The desert is great at night. I could switch up my schedule but I’m only here until Thursday before people get back. I can feel my womb pains starting too. Pain and heat. I’m in for it today! There’s about to be like 120 people on the land by Friday. SunDance starts officially then. It’ll be ten days in total after that.

I have Starlink and I can sit on my computer to pass the time. I’m mostly doing that and masturbating. I’m walking the land in the evenings when the sun starts to leave. I tried to make content and my phone died. My hips are hurting. I’m really wishing I had a dirt bike. I could get off this land and ride around. At least then I’m having some fun in the sun. I don’t know who ever in their right mind decided to make a life in the desert. My body is made for the cold. Right now I’m just like a lizard that gets caught in the rays. I can’t find any water (I’m fine on water) and so I accept my fate and let the sun bake me.

I have some Summer Vision Quest gifts I have to prepare, so I’ll do that today too.

Spirit speaks in pictures

Spirit speaks in pictures. God works in images. Art is a powerful teacher. Everything you do is spiritual when you’re a spiritual being.

I’m asking more and more ‘how do you need me, God’? My plans aren’t supposed to stand in the way of God’s plans. The work is to surrender, put aside my preferences, recognize what the universe is asking of me, and grow.

It’s hard to admit, but I’m still trying to figure out what God wants of me. This is me building that pipeline of communication with the spiritual better. It’s weak in me. It is. It’s weak in most of us. I have a meeting with a clairvoyant Reverend later today because I am still growing spiritually and need help. I am still healing.

This world gave me (and all of us) a lot of trauma to work through. Collectively, holy crap, we have a lot of it. I imagine a nation where we meditate together. Where we grieve together. Everyone is responsible to heal their individual level of hurt—your nervous system only has the capacity for one persons worth of trauma. But, when we heal together, in the collective, man, can we make a big impact on each other?

Why you can’t connect with the spiritual (and typically why I can’t trust what I see) is because of trauma. Trauma gets in the way of that connection. It mucks it up. It clouds. The more that is removed, the clearer the channel, the stronger the spirit. I remember as a kid seeing all these young kids in things like Young Life or openly spiritual (or even Christian) and feeling them BRIGHT. They were energetically brighter than me. I hated it. I could feel it. How are you so happy? What’s wrong with me? Resenting the joy, love, brightness in them that they were cultivating. It was really a jealousy. The things we’re jealous of the most are usually the things we want. The ‘ick’ we get about other people is usually just something we hate in ourselves. We’re more like the people we hate than we can admit.

Part of building that connection is just getting yourself in a quiet place and trusting the first thing that comes up. Spirit speaks in pictures. Like we remember visions from the past, we can remember from the future. That’s sort of just what this is. Your higher self remembering.

It’s also the best way to pray. The Reverend taught me that too. The best prayers, manifestations and intentions are best spoken in images.

Try it (5 minutes): What do you need right now? Clarity? Comfort?

1. Sit with your feet on the ground

2. Close your eyes

3. Take a few deep breaths to calm your system

4. In your head, with your eyes close, envison what you need right now

5. Picture it in great detail. What can you smell, taste, touch?

6. What’s going on?

7. Hold the picture in your head and out loud or to yourself ask for it

Trust that the process works. There’s nothing else you need to do to talk with spirit.

When we don’t trust spiritual processes, it’s typically because we expect things to move really fast. We live in a culture that has immediate gratification and simply moves quickly. Spirit doesn’t. But continuity, when things grow slowly and we see the results over time, tells the body and mind we can trust this. Faith without works is delusion. Spirituality doesn’t want you to be delusional. It wants you to have faith AND to do the work. How do you think any business is built (business is like one of the most spiritual things you can do)?

With continuity, you’re not gonna be fearful that you’re gonna lose it. I woke up one day and had an incredible, handsome man in my life. That was a ton of work I did to be ready for him. To grow for him. To be a good partner who can cultivate a long-term relationship. It’s a huge marker in my mind that I’m doing the work and getting results. I adore him, and he adores me.

That’s all for today 😁. A little less funny, a little more thoughtful. I’ll be back with jokes tomorrow.

Love,
Val