Hi Everyone!

Thanks for your patience (and some delay in getting back to writing this). I’ve been deep in ceremony for the last week, and then did some long driving yesterday. I’ve been going through A LOT!

The Man, whom I was very much falling in love with, went silent on me. I had a dream he cheated on me, and the next day, he started answering me less and less. Then I went into ceremony for 3 days, no phones. Since I got out, I haven’t been able to connect with him. I’ve never met someone who connected with me so deeply, just a week ago, was saying how committed he was to this, and then decided they were done without any explanation. This morning, I even got a Spotify link with a song titled ‘Pretend You Never Knew Me’. Like, what the fuck?

I’m hurting. I really put my heart out there. I don’t think I’ll write about my romantic love in this newsletter anymore. The hurt feels different after being in such a strong container, like I’m held by something more. I know that whatever happens during and immediately after a shamanic experience like the one I had is guided by my higher self. I need rest now. Nature, too. My field is being cleansed of the things that don’t serve my purpose. I have to trust that. My entire ceremony was about trusting that. Not everyone is as guided by their higher self as much as I am at this present moment. I don’t even know where I’ll be in a week. I have faith it’ll all work out. It’s hugely new for me to live like this, and fortunately, my higher self knows The Man wasn’t right.

Loving in a world that hates

I’m feeling protective, both of my heart, my process, and my spirituality, after what I just went through. You become a target in the world when you exist through love. Hate loves to find its way to take you down. We have to hold our space. Keep people around that reflect our worth, ONLY. And, remember, living through the heart is the way to a new world. It’s both a remembering and a becoming. We need to live from that big space that sees your strengths over your weaknesses. That knows you have an innate ability to love to learn and grow. That is mixed by the water element of joy, the heart of life, the trust, truth, and innocence for birth and all existence.

I don’t regret anything I did with The Man. I was authentic, open, feminine, wild; loving. I have been working on my shadow for years. I am on an enlightenment path so that the shadow becomes as dim as I can get it in this lifetime. There never would have been a time where I would have done a 180 on this guy in the way we did to me. I am doing an immense amount of work so that I can lead and love through the world in a pure way.

But what I am taking away is that I do need to protect my heart a bit more. Not so it can shut down, definitely not. We’re not making the heart smaller, ever. We’re not gonna love a little less. But we’re going to be a lot more careful with who we let in. This isn’t just for romantic love. When you exist through love in a world full of hate, you become a target. People can feel how big and bright you are. When they aren’t, they cower in your shining. I used to be one of those people HARSHLY. That’s why this journey is so important and so big for me. I’m not sure people realize how far I’ve come. I didn’t want to live in a mind and body that sees someone shining and meets it with pain. I hated being in my own head. My world was not a nice place. So I don’t say this in this like ‘oh you’ve only known that of course you’d say that’ kind of way. No, I was an ASSHOLE. I’ve decided there is MORE.

I may work on this for my lifetime, we all will in some form when we’ve been conditioned by a society, social media, and previous generations to live in a body that is addicted to pain. It’s the norm to see someone shining and meeting it with jealousy or judgment. Your shadow, your hurt, your insecurity, your demons, will try to take them down. I want to live in a world where love flows easily, where it is the norm. It’s surprising to me how far we still are from that.

Summer vision quest

This last ceremony was the most impactful event of my life. I’m holding it close right now as I integrate. I fasted for 3 days in the desert heat in the middle of June. It was one of the most challenging things physically, mentally, and spiritually that I’ve done. I’m so proud of how I did; I am in tears typing this. I know deeply now, I can do fucking anything.

I had a profound experience of connection. I know I’m here for a spiritual experience, but I am really confirmed with that in a way that helps my mind make sense of why I am doing the things I’m doing, where I’m going, and what’s at the end. I am tender right now, yet stronger and clearer than ever.

One small thing to create more love today

Love isn’t about doing some act of kindness, like buying a coffee for the person behind you. You can do that and still be hateful as all hell. Existing in love is being in your shining, your vibration of radiance. A flower is always beautiful in bloom and radiates that vibration of love. It doesn’t just, like, get in a bad mood and then become dim for a day. Humans do. It’s why we have so many practices of moving through emotions, connecting with spirit, and removing bad patterning.

If you’re wanting more love in your life and to see more love in the world, like I am, try one of these today:

1. Look around and find three things that are beautiful

Find one thing around you (anything) and see it as if it were sacred. Let it stop you for just a breath longer than usual. Breath in and out deeply and slowly, as if you are breathing in sync with the object of your gaze.

2. Whisper a blessing to everyone you pass by

As you drive, walk, run, bike, or scoot, try offering a blessing to those you pass. You can say things like, “I’m so glad you’re on the planet”, or “May you remember your own magic today”.

With grace,
Valerie